Damian Skinner

SUCKS!

There is no other way to say it. You know when you go through those really difficult times in life. Yeah we all have tough days and disappointments but I’m talking about life changing, world shattering, faith rocking times.

I have had two times like this in my life. For some reason they have both occurred within the last 5 years.

Last April I went through an experience that affected every area of my life. I wish I could tell you that I woke up and pointed in the mirror and yelled something inspirational such as “you can do it” or “I’m King Kong” while beating my chest.

But sadly I cannot. Instead I hide out at a friend’s unused apartment for months and drank so much I gained almost 15 pounds. Not pretty but it’s the truth.

And isn’t that what these times are all about? The truth. It seems to me that these life shaking times serve many purposes but none greater than sifting out your life and realigning your course.

And boy was my course off.

Through a series of decisions I had drifted off my life course and even some of my core beliefs. I woke up on day entrenched in a life that I didn’t belong in. Trying to be someone I was not. While my motives were innocent enough and driven by a need to care for people I lost my way and as with any journey when you loose your way you usually end up ship wrecked somewhere.

Within one week I lost relationships, clients, income, car, home and worst the trust in people I loved deeply.

Over the next several months, I fell gradually in a deeper and deeper depression.

I was lost.

But this is not about how I got lost but rather what it has taken to find my course again.

When you lose perspective and direction, you tend to loose self respect and faith in yourself. As months dragged on, I would barely work. I didn’t care about money or my body or really anything other than my daughter. Friends would come around and gently ask why I was content to be living the way I was.

I’ll be honest it took months, almost a full year to find my way back. It was in this time that I learned a few key truths.

I. Misery loves company and success loves overcomers.
II. Don’t get too comfortable loosing cause sooner or later you’re bound to win.
III. Your heart is your map, your mind is your boat and your tongue your ruder.

In an effort to keep this series meaningful I wont go into those three points today but I will say this.

The first step to getting back to being you and allowing yourself to be successful is leaving where you shipwrecked.

Once you have shipwrecked, regardless of how you got there it is scary as hell to leave your lil coconut cabana and set out on the seas again.

Months have gone by and allegorically I had learned to make fire, basic shelter, spear the occasional slow fish… even weave a cool hat. My beard is coming in nicely and I have never been so well tanned.

Point is that I might be miserable but life has a way of insisting that you move on.

As I grew more and more comfortable on my little self absorbed island I honestly began to believe that I could never leave this island. Thoughts like “it could be worse” coursed through my echoing mind.

And then it happened.

Ever had that moment when you accidently catch a glimpse of your reflection and it actually startles you? I stopped and stared myself in the eyes for as long as I could stand it.

I hadn’t just been burned and devastated I had given up. I had done so many great things and have had so many great friends and loved ones and now I was pushing them all away to only secure my place on this little island.

I knew what I had to do. I had to set out on my island.

And keeping with my analogy of Castaway I even tried to carry many of my comfort items with me back into civilization.

Remember that moment in the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks where he looses his volleyball named Wilson? I remember people laughing in the theater but I gotta tell you that isa very real challenge in getting back to life.

Our “Wilsons” are really the rituals and thoughts that we naturally develop when we have been injured. Kinda like getting out of a leg cast and still limping cause you’re afraid to reinjure that leg!

My Wilsooooooon moment came when I decided to go on a trip with someone and get back to living and making memories. The trip was a nightmare.

I could barely talk to this person. Every effort they made to engage and accommodate was cut short by my reactions. I couldn’t see anything from them other than vindictive mocking and mean motives. I was limping and limping bad.

Fortunately this person was able to be patient with me and helped me process even more.

Sooner or later you decide that you have to build that darn raft and set out. That its better to die trying than to waste away on an island in a leaf thong and talking to volleyballs.

If your there today and reading this please hear me. There is a current that moves by faith. Your floats not gonna fall apart and you’re not gonna get eaten by sharks.

Its time to leave your little island and all the “comforts” that you have been trying so damn hard to convince yourself is a quality of life.

You gotta get back because people love you and need you. You play a major role in literally thousands of peoples lives.

So I’m here to tell you that you can and you will make it.

You’ll get back, people will cheer, you’ll gain weight back and shave the beard (legs for you ladies) and be able to run rescue missions for all those others that just crashed.